The power of leaning out
Remember when Sheryl Sanberg taught us all to lean in?
Yeah that was 2005 and it’s time to do the opposite 💁.
The other day a woman told me about how she went to the nail salon on her day off.
She brought her laptop with her because she didn’t want the nail tech to think that she was lazy.
When she told me this I almost fell out of my chair.
Honestly it sounds like something Elaine or George would have done on Seinfeld – some elaborate scheme to seem busy.
But here’s the reality:
You don’t always need to go above and beyond.
There’s no inherent value in giving 110% all the time.
In fact, sometimes the best thing you can do is pull back.
It’s counterintuitive for a lot of people, but we often get better results from caring less.
Weirdly, the more you lean out, the more people seem to respect you.
There’s a certain presence that shines through when you’re not pushing yourself to the max.
It’s the difference between having a conversation with someone who’s running a 6 minute mile vs. someone who’s walking at a leisurely pace.
The energy is totally different.
Recently one of my clients was describing how all of this clicked for her.
She said the first step was simply carving out small amounts of time for herself.
Then she tested the theory.
She started doing less and less.
And she noticed that her outcomes did not suffer.
In fact, the more she leaned out, the more people respected her opinion.
This is a hard lesson to learn if you’ve been hyper-performing for a long time.
You’ll likely have to bring your attention back to it over and over.
And create structures / practices that keep you from over-producing.
Something I’ve learned to do is to wake up and immediately leave the house on a long walk.
It keeps me from opening my laptop right away or from wasting time on my phone scrolling instagram.
I also set timers and alot myself specific amounts of time to complete a given task.
However far I get is good enough.
In the beginning, this scared the crap out of me.
I was positive that someone was going to call out the poor quality of my work.
But nobody noticed.
My work was solid, and everything in the universe continued on as scheduled.
This is one of my favorite topics to coach people on.
Because I love the freedom that people experience that first time they decline a meeting or turn down an invitation.
I love watching someone relax into themself and make decisions swiftly without all the pressure.
This is how you build confidence and self esteem – by honoring your time.
Most of the participants in The Independence Equation are grappling with this topic.
They’re high-achievers who aren’t always comfortable prioritizing their own needs before work.
Watching them do it for the first time is such a privilege.
If they can do it, you can too.
Thanks For Reading!
I am on a mission to help driven people find clarity in the fast lane – making great money doing work they love, on their own terms.
Not sure what you want? Or feel stuck? Get clear on your life and career in five days – a free training delivered straight to your inbox.
Want a promotion or pay increase? Sign up for my free monthly training. I’ve helped hundreds of clients increase their annual income by $50,000+. If they can do it, you can too.
If you’d like to support my work, the best ways are to:
Refer clients to me - I run a business fueled almost entirely by referrals. I coach individuals, couples, and groups. I’m happy to offer complimentary sample sessions to anyone you refer.
Subscribe to my podcast on Apple or Spotify, and leave a review.
Forward my blog to a coworker or friend - introduce them to me :)